why is The truth makin me Sad?

i wish i never asked. but i did. and when he answered me, i just dont like it. i know he is tellin me the truth, and now i am sad knowing it.

i dig in, and now i buried my self.

maybe, i am not sad, am just jealous…i am jealous of their happiness when they were still together. i dont like to find out that she was able to make him happier than i do, now. and thats what make me sad. i feel like i am competing with his past now. not that he compare me with her, i just feel i need to do better. but having the parameter like that, puttin me underpressure…and that is not good. Most of the time, i’d back off. I just dont compete.

but thats not the point,

the point is, why am i feeling this way? i shouldnt be sad, right? i mean everyone have their own past. MAYBEEEE…i should have not dig in. MAYBE its better to not know.

But then my curiosity wont be fulfilled. I like him so very much, and i wanna know EVERYTHING about him, and thats including his past. But now am sad after knowing it…sad and worried i cant make him happy as much as she did. ohhh…i dont like this. i dont like this feeling so very much.


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